MOM

"Ready for our final game of the year?"

"Yuppers.....I'm feelin' lucky tonight!"

"Can't believe the holidays are here already. T I M E ......12 points. Grandma called again yesterday."

"God! What did she want ? Probably expecting gifts from her beloved children and grand kids! H A T R E D .....22 points"

"Ouch! Good score. Actually, she's miserable. Said she saw West Side Story on TV and remembered how much fun we had when I took her to the Carousel Dinner Theater to see it last year. Said she misses me. P I T Y .........14 points."

"She's the one who insisted on moving back to Wisconsin. She just misses the stuff you did for her!"

"Maybe."

"Maybe nothing. Why do you do that Ma? Make excuses for her? A N G E R ........10 points."

"Don't know. Maybe cause she's my mom and I'm hoping someday she'll change. Come on, you feel that way about dad sometimes too. C O M F O R T .......Man one tile short of kicking your butt......18 points."

"Some people just shouldn't have kids, like grandma and dad. It's just wrong, fucks everybody up."

"Yeah, but then we wouldn't be here, either of us."

"Still not right. J U S T I C E .........28 points."

"Justice, that's a funny word, not much justice in this world. But I have no regrets. I'd do it all again just to have you girls. Man, you're killin' me here. K I D S .............10 points."

"We did alright didn't we?"

"I think so. You're all amazing. You've done things I never even imagined at your age, in spite of people like grandma and dad."

"Well, just don't let grandma ruin your Christmas. OK, here's the killer punch. Q U I Z Get out the calculator........46 points. Looks like I got this game in the bag."

"Does look that way. Well, it's not much, but it's all I've got
M O M ......9 points."

Triple Play

During this particular scirmish, Sarah is introduced to Rudy. The three of us battle it out in a Scrabble War. To simplify the dialog, I've color coded the opponents as follows:

Mom/me
Sarah
Rudy


"So, you're the guy on mom's desktop?"

"Um, yeah. That's me."

"Almost didn't recognize you with your shirt on."

"Well!, Why don't we get started. How 'bout we let Rudy go first?"

"Sure. Why not? Take your best shot."

"OK. V I C T I M.....double score....20 points."

"Nice one Rude. You don't mind if I call you Rude, do you?
S T A B ......10 points."

"I've been called worse. Okay if I call you..........."

"My turn! P E A C E .....11 points."

"What are you doin' ma? You left the triple square open for him."

"Sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"Obviously. Well, go ahead Rude."

"Can't reach the red square with these tiles. I'll have to try something else. You're mom tells me you're a surgical nurse at UH. That's pretty impressive.
F L A T T E R ........14 points."


"Nice word, but I'm takin the red square. Triple score.
S U C K E R ...29 points"

"You guys are killin' me here. All I can do is F A K E ....10 points."

"Too bad, Ma. Yeah, I'm a nurse in the cardiac unit at UH. Mom says you make predator calls for hunters and you play guitar. Did I mention I'm a vegetarian?"

"Well I'm still a carnivore, but I've pretty much given up hunting. Didn't even go to deer camp this year. The predator calls are kind of an artistic outlet for me. I like working with the wood in my shop. G E N T L E.....12 points."

"Rudy has a daughter a little younger than you, and he has a couple of cats. "

"Cats? Huh? You like cats? M A Y B E.......18 points."

"Yeah, Knuckles and Lucky. Found Lucky outside my doorstep one day and adopted Knuckles from the animal shelter."

"It's kind of nice. I get to enjoy the cats without having to clean the litter. S H A R E.......6 points."

"I think they already like her better than me! L A U G H ......8 points."

"That's pretty cool. I told Ma she should get a cat. Maybe you should invite Rudy to Christmas dinner next week Ma?
F R I E N D S ........12 points."

"Sounds like a good idea. What do you think Rudy? Want to meet the rest of the family? P L E A S E ...... 8 points."

"Hell Yeah! V I C T O R Y .......21 points."

Blogged Down

"So, you're blogging now?"
"Yeah. Someone from work invited me to join a creative writing group called the Ditalini Press."
"What's it for?"
"Just a chance to expand my writing skills; if you want to call them that. We take turns suggesting assignments and then try to meet a deadline. T A L E N T .....10 points."
"You like it?"
"Love it. Started two blogs of my own already."
"What do you write about? A S K .......12 points."
"Lots of stuff."
"Like what?"
"Well, ones about playing Scrabble like we do"
"What do you mean, like we do?"
"It's a dialog between two Scrabble players. P R I D E .....14 points."
"What two Scrabble players?"
"I don't know. They're just fictional characters."
"What two players, Ma? What do they talk about?"
Like you and I, and what we talk about."
"So, you're writing stuff about what we say, and then posting it on a public web site? You're kidding me? Right?
D O U B T ..........16 points."
"It's not real, Sarah."
"Who reads it?"
"Anyone who wants to. Some people at work are really getting a chuckle out of it.
S I M P L E ........13 points."
"It's funny?"
"Sometimes."
"Can I read it? I N S I S T...........10 points."
"Um....I'm not sure your should. Where are you going? We have a game to finish.
P A N I C .......16 points."
"Oh Yeah. We have something to finish here all right!"
"Leave my computer alone! (click) At least take your glass with you......."

Death On The Battle Field

"So, did you go to the funeral last weekend with Rudy?"
"Yes. It was simple, nicely done. Family and a few friends. I just hate the viewing part. M O R B I D......15 points."
"Don't you want to have a wake when you die?"
"Hell no. Just throw a big party, cremate me, and throw my ashes in a WARM ocean."
"Hmmmm I think I want Biscuits' ashes put in with me when I go.
D E A T H ....16 points."
"Rudy wants a fire extinguisher in his casket!"
"Ha. He's probably gonna need one."
"Be nice."
"I'm just sayin' "
"Lots of my friends believe in the reincarnation stuff. Even if I believed in it, no way am I doin' this again. No matter how many times I go around, I'll never get it right. R E S T ......6 points."
"With my luck I'd probably come back as a cat in China where they skin and eat them."
"Grandma told me she wants her ashes buried with Dad and her twin brother. Of course she's going to out live us all."
"Yeah. Only the good die young! I R O N I C ........10 points."

Drive Me Crazy

"Good game. I'm up 25 points, Ma."
"Getting late."
"So? You're staying the night right?"
"Not this time."
"No way! You are not driving home this late at night!
D E M A N D.........12 points."
"I only had one glass of wine"
"Wine is not the problem, and you know it."
"OK. Then what is the problem?"
"You have poor night vision, and you are um....directionally challenged."
"When did you become so politically correct? W H I N E ....14 points."
"Since I'm trying not to piss you off. Ma, don't make me call Wendy. She saw you go the wrong direction on the freeway ramp. T H R E A T ........10 points."
"That was five years ago. Doesn't the statute of limitations apply here?
P L E A D ....8 points."
"OK. Last month you left here and took 77 south and you got lost. You had to call me. Remember?"
"Oh. That. Couldn't remember which exit to take, that's all.
A L I B I ......6 points."
"480 West! For God's sake! Who doesn't know that? "
"I don't usually take 77."
"Ma. You've lived here twenty three years. You got confused cause it was dark and you couldn't see!. Maybe you're getting too old to drive at night.
F A C T S .......10 points."
"I'm only 58 years old. Grandma drove till she was eighty two.
E X C U S E ....... 18 points."
"Yeah. That was about ten years too long. She almost got killed pulling out in front of that guy."
"I'm not grandma!"
"Plus.....you've locked your keys in the car three times this year."
"Well, I've met some really nice people doing that. J O K E .....14 points."
"You make me crazy, Ma! You're staying. Ought to get picked up for DWS.
M U M B L E .....18 points."
"What?"
"DWS, Ma......Driving while SENILE!"
"Nice, Sarah, really nice. B R A T .......6 points."

That Summer

"What did you and Tim do last weekend?"
"We went to BW'S. They had karaoke night. Funny as hell. You should go with us some time. Ever do karaoke?"
"No."
"Why not? You use to sing all the time. You were good. Remember that summer when...."
"Yes. Now go! It's your turn!"
"Chill ma. I'm goin' already. That was such a weird summer. '84?
R E C A L L ....16 points."
"You were too young to remember. You just think you do because you heard about it from your sister." A V O I D ...11 points."
"I was six. Old enough to know we were pretty much homeless.
P O V E R T Y .... 16 points."
"It wasn't that bad. We didn't go hungry and......Nobody died!"
D E N Y.....8 points."
"Yeah. I remember you use to say that a lot."
"What?"
" "It's a good day. Nobody died." Like that made it all better or something. A N G E R ........10 points."
"What was I suppose to say? Life sucks? Forget it. Just play the game! C O N T R O L .....12 points."
"God....you're sure being pissy. I was just sayin' "
"Sorry. I just don't like to talk about it."
"So you never, like, think about it? Never cry about it?"
"No."
"Maybe you should. H E A L.....8 points."
"More wine? I'm opening another bottle."
"You use to cry sometimes."
"I use to do a lot of things, Sarah. Things change. I changed!"
W E A K ....7 points."
"Yeah. You got tough."
"So did you."
"Ma?"
"What?"
"You mad?"
"Mad as hell, but not at you."
"I don't feel like playing anymore. You care if we quit?"
"No. I was losing anyway."
"Actually, I think we were just about even. Wanna watch a movie instead?"
"Sure."
"You OK Ma?"
"Yeah. I just think I'm catchin' a cold or something. I gotta go find the Kleenex."
"OK. I'll refill our glasses."
"Good." T E N N I S.....score (0-0) Love All!

M.I.A. Mom

"I got crumby tiles and I'm too tired to think. So, if I loose it's your fault."
"My fault?"
"Yes. I didn't get to bed till after four am, thanks to you."
"Well, I slept just fine. I can't help it if you're paranoid."
"Paranoid? I still don't know why the hell you just can't answer your phone!
A C C U S E .....10 points."
"Cause I don't always hear it."
"Then why have one?"
"For emergencies."
"Last night was an emergency. I started calling you at eight pm."
"And, I didn't know that. R E A S O N .......6points."
"Well, Grandma said you were supposed to be there to pick her up at three pm, and you never showed up. She was worried.
B I T C H ....14 points."
"No. She was confused."
"I believed her!"
"You should have known better than that."
"When I couldn't reach you all night I freaked! I told Jim you were probably in some hospital on a respirator."
"Oh my God ha ha (choke)"
"Not funny Ma!"
"Would you rather I really was on a respirator?
S A R C A S M.........12 points"
"Right now...maybe I do. Really pissed me off. I was scarred.
T R U T H ....8 points."
"Seems to me, I spent a lot of sleepless nights when you were growing up.
P A Y B A C K ............18 points."
"That's different. You're a Mom. You're supposed to worry. You should be more responsible now."
"Responsible? You mean like wear the damn phone around my neck so I never miss a call?"
"Yeah. That would work."
"It's funny, but I am sorry you worried. I know grandma had you convinced."
"Oh. About Grandma......."
"What?"
"You might want to call her tomorrow."
"Why would I want to call her?"
"Um...I might'a said some things..... R E M O R S E .....10 points."
"What kind of things?"
"Just things...... Better call her, ma."
"Oh S H I T........7 points"

Broken

"I love this spinach and goat cheese pizza, ma. Goes good with the wine. Think I'm gonna kick ass tonight."

"Not if you drink too much."

"OK, lets see. Oh, Grandma called today. B I T C H ...double score 20 points"

"Nice word. Grandma called YOU?"

"Ha, yeah, you didn't answer your phone and she was trying to find out where you were. Not like she gives a shit about me."

"Did she say what she wanted? S T R E S S ....8 points"

"Nope, and I didn't ask. Don't you ever get pissed about the way she treated you guys when you were kids?"

"Of course. I mean, she's old and what's the point of keeping score now, but yeah, it makes me angry sometimes. Why?"

"Cause I think about dad and it sucks. M E M O R Y.....18 points. You ever think about dad?"

"Not unless I'm watching a horror flick."

"Seriously, ma, do you?"

"Not so much anymore. Bad dreams sometimes still, that's all."

L I A R...10 points.

"When I do something really cool like finishing nursing school or when I did the special surgeries in the Dominican, I think: How come he doesn't know and doesn't care? Bad enough he did what he did, but then he just doesn't even think about us ever. He's not even sorry. S O R R O W.....12 points."

"He doesn't feel guilt, hon. He can't. He's broken; has no moral conscience."

"Kind of a waste of oxygen if you ask me"

"Yes, but you're not. You're amazing. An amazing pain in the ass, but amazing nevertheless R E S C U E.....15points."

"Do you think I'll feel it when he dies? I mean, like, will I know?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Just makes me mad, that's all. A G O N Y....(0 points)

Busted

"What are you doin' Sarah? The boards set up. You playing or not?"

"Just a sec. I want to down load my bike trip pics onto your computer"

"Oh no....."

"Who the fuck is this?"

"What do you mean?"

"This half naked guy on your desk top?"

"Oh, him. I don't know, but he's hot isn't he?"

"Hot? he's got his shirt off..."

"Would you rather it was a naked woman?"

"Yeah well, what the hecks going on here? You datin' this guy?"

"Let the pics download and lets get the game started, and I'll explain. I'll go first"

"So you gonna tell me what's goin' on or what?"

" Um yeah I met this guy." B U S T E D ........double word, 16 points.

"The guy on your desktop?"

"Yup...that'd be the one."

"On line I suppose. D I S G U S T.......damn, one tile short of a bonus. 12 points."

"Well, I don't go to church, not into the bar scene. What else is there?"

"I don't know ma, but there are creeps out there and this guy looks like a creep."

"The picture was a joke, he was just goofin' around."

P A N I C .....10 points.

"You meet him and you better call and let me know ahead of time. Give me his full name and I'll run it through Jims police files. Hell, ma this guy could cut you up in pieces or something!"

"Or he could just freakin' break my heart....big deal...not sure which is worse anymore."

"I'm just sayin' You gotta be careful. A D V I S E ..........8 points."

"Want another glass of wine while you rip on my love life?"

"Sure. Does he drink?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Well, hell, he can't be all bad then."

"Like you're such a good judge of male character S T A B ........6 points."

"Yeah we sure are a pair, you and me. You're smilin' a lot lately. He must make you happy."

"He does. T H A N K S ......10 points"

"Does he play Scrabble ??? he he he . We could kick his butt I'll bet!"

"With only half the tiles.........."

Maybe I Can Win

"Pour the wine and let the games begin. You start first this time, Ma. By the way, what's Grandma doing for Christmas?"
"Don't know, don't care."
"Yeah, just nice to not have her here, right?"
"Yup. If I ever get like her, just shoot me. B I L E ........double pts. scores 12."
"Don't worry. I'll just have you put to sleep. She still call you at work all the time?"
"Of course. Good thing I don't have a REAL job, right? Then she couldn't call to ask me what temperature to roast broccoli at."
"Roast broccoli? Who does that? W E I R D ...... 18 points"
"Apparently, your Grandmother. Talk to your sister lately?"
"Yeah."
"How is she?"
"Pregnant"
"OK....and?'
"It's all she talks about and I hate it. You know...."
"Yes....I do. She's excited. This was a real surprise for her.
H O N E S T ......15 points."
"Not like I'm ever gonna get pregnant."
"You're not too old yet. Someday you and Tim can......"
"All we do is fight."
"Maybe you should break it off. Start over. Find someone else.
W I S D O M ....15 points"
"I've been with him three years, Ma. Three years! I don't want to start over. What a waste. "R E G R E T.....8 points."
"In my experience....."
"Ha, and you've had lots of it."
"In my experience, the only thing worse than wasting three years with someone, is wasting three years and one day."
"I love him."
"I know."
"I feel awful about the way I feel around Wendy. I'm so jealous of the baby. Does that make me a bad person?"
"No. I think it makes you human. But you have to let her enjoy this moment. Think you can do that?"
"You mean suck it up?"
"Something like that."
"I guess. My glass is empty and, on the positive side....As long as I'm not pregnant I can still drink! L I Q U E U R S..... He he he hookin' onto the "S" in your WISDOM and using my "Q" and all seven tiles.......50 point bonus. For a grand total.....ta da.....of 79 points!!!!! Maybe I can win this time!"

"I hope so."

Argos Comes To Play Scrabble

This time my daughter brought her 120 pound Rhodesian Ridgeback, Argos, with her to compete in our Scrabble Wars.

"Set up the board, hon, and go first. I'll go get the wine. Argos! get your nose out of my...."
"Common ma, that's the best thrill you've had in over a year."
"Not exactly what I had in mind."
"You could do worse than Argos here. He's my baby boy. Hell, you have done worse...he he he......Setzen, Argos, Lage!"
"Maybe if you used English commands instead of German, he'd keep his nose outa my..."
"You should get a cat ma. Something to keep you company. You're always alone."
"I don't want a cat. I have my beta fish. He respects my space."
"F U N...Not a great word for starts, but at least it's double points."
"We missed you yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner."
"I told you I didn't feel like sitting through another one of those fiascos. I hate Johns family."
"I know, but can't you just sit back and see the humor in it all? You didn't go last year either.G U I L T.......10 points"
"I just can't be a hypocrite like that."
"You mean like me?"
"No I didn't mean it that way. You love seeing Boo and sis. There's nothing there for me...nothing. A N G E R ....6 points."
"Any luck on your car search? Still thinkin' about the Explorer? Can't imagine spending 30 thousand plus on a new car.
G R E E D....8 points"
"I work too hard not to have the things I want."
"Lots of people work hard just to get the things they need."
"Mom, I'm not like you. I WANT things. I don't know how you can stand living in this apartment. F E A R....7 points"
"I love this place...."
"Well I want more. I don't want to end up like this!"
"Like What?"
"Nothin'. It's just that you don't care about anything anymore."
"I just don't care about THINGS anymore. A P A T H Y.....18 points."
"Well, I'm just sayin' If you ever need anything........."
"Some decent tiles would be nice. I pass. You go."
"L O V E....red tile...triple score! Uh Huh Uh Huh!"
"Think I'd better go check the pizza. I can smell it. Argos!!! Get your nose out of my....."

Scrabble Wars The beginning

"36 points? You're kidding! Mom, you sure you counted right?"

"I'm sure."

" Here...have some more wine."

"My glass is full, and it's your turn......"

"OK, OK. I got nothin' but garbage to work with here."

F U C K I T.........18 points

"Sarah! Fuckit is not a word!"

"Yeah it is."

"No it's not. Here's the dictionary.....show me....."

"Fine! Give me a minute."

"Take your time."

"You dating anybody lately?"

"Maybe."

"Why? Men are all such assholes, and you're too old for sex anyway. So, why bother?"

"I'm not too old for....."

"Gross......Ma!"

"Well, you brought it up."

"I'm just gonna trade in my tiles...you go."

"How are you and Jim doing?" T R A P .....7 points.

"He is such a pain in my ass!"

"You two still fighting a lot?"

"Kinda. He's moving in in March."

"What????"

"Yeah, well, gotta see if we can live together first."

"But you said......."

"Is forplay OK?"

"What????"

"F O R P L A Y.....Ma. The word forplay."

"That's not how you spell it!"

"Yeah well, it uses up all seven of my tiles. Gives me bonus points."

"Where'd you put the wine bottle?"