TMI (Too Much Information)

"Wow! Mom. You can barely see out your patio door."

"I know. The snow just keeps piling up out there."

"It's so depressing. I hate these Ohio winters."

"Wanna hear a funny grandma story? Guaranteed to make you laugh."
H O N E S T ..........12 points.

"Sure. What now? Does she think she's dieing again?"
F A K E R ..........18 points.

"Well, kinda. I called her for Christmas and she was sick. Coughing. I told her to go to the doctor and of course she refused. Said they'd probably just put her in the hospital."
W H I N E ..............15 points.

"She's eighty eight years old and still stubborn as a mule."
C R A B .........10 points.

"So I called her on New Years Day to see how she was doing and said "Happy New Years, Mom!" Course she snapped back with a "Yeah. Right. Cough Cough" " G R U M P ........
10 points.

"Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't she?"

"Then she told me about the New Years Eve party they had at her Senior complex."

"They have New Years Eve partys for old people?"
Q U E E R ..........36 points.

"Yes, but they celebrate at noon instead of midnight. They have appetizers and wine for everyone." P A R T Y...........12 points.

"So did grandma hit the grapes?"

"Yup. She felt miserable so she had three glasses of wine and so did her friend Mel."

"She still hangs out with that little Weebly guy?"
T R O L L ........5 points.

"Be nice. He's grandma's puzzle buddy." F R I E N D ........10 points.

"He's a saint just to hang out with her for this long."
A N G E L ........6 points.

"Not exactly. After the party he walked her to her apartment and then he tried to grope her."
S H O C K ..........12 points.

"What? EW!"

"No kidding. I can't believe she told me this stuff. Said she told him to get the hell away from her and "Shame on you!"

"Way to go grandma." C H A M P .............18 points.

"It gets even better. He looks at her and says, "Gene, I just wanted to feel your boobs."
G R O S S .........8 points.

"Ew....Ew.....Ew! TMI! "

That's exactly what I said. I was laughing so hard I could barely hold onto the phone. Then she asks me, "Don't men ever out grow that stuff?"

"You told her no. Right?" T R U T H .......8 points.

"Yes. She said she never wanted to see that old fart again."
D U M P E D .........21 points.

"Don't ever, ever, tell me that kind of thing when you're old, Ma. I do not want to know."
P L E A S E ........8 points.

"Well, here's to old farts and good wine. Wine gets better with age and men get better with wine." C H E E R S ............14 points.

"Not according to grandma!"

Hunger Pains

"You're not eating my little cheese thingies. I wanted to try the recipe out on you tonight, Ma."

"I'm just not really hungry. Sorry." L I A R ...............6 points.

"I know you didn't have dinner cause you came right from work. You have to be hungry."

D O U B T ..........8 points.

" All right. All right. I'm trying to stick with a diet for the New Year. Just didn't want to make a big deal about it."

B U R G E R ............12 points.

"I know what you mean. It's so hard to loose these extra holiday pounds."

E M P A T H Y ...... 22 points.

"Oh right. Like you must have gone from a size four to a size six. Sucks to be you."

P I Z Z A .............42 points.

"That's not fair. Once I hit thirty it seems my metabolism just quit on me. I can't eat anything without breaking out in cellulite."

W H I N E .........21 points.

"Oh. Let me call the whambulance. I'll just haul my 59 year old post menopausal body with hypothyroidism to the telephone. Wait right there while I get you some help."

P A S T A ..........10 points.

"Now who's whining? Just work out on your elliptical more often and cut back on the calories. You've done it before. You can do it again." E A S Y ........9 points.

"OK. I suppose I could get up at 4:30 instead of 5:00 to exercise on my ten hour work days. And those boxes of girl scout cookies that I bought from Boo are probably fat free. Working grandmas have the cards stacked against them when it comes to dieting."

C A N D Y ..............8 points.

"Working women have the deck stacked against them. Period!"

E Q U A L I T Y .......96 points. "May not be all it's cracked up to be, but the word uses all seven of my tiles plus a bonus, and the Q is a real nice kicker too. "

"Gawd.....I feel like such a loser tonight. Give me those darned cheese puffs and I'll have another glass of wine while you're at it."

Cafe Wars

"It's your turn Sarah. I thought you went to get a glass of wine. What are you doing?"
H U R R Y ............10 points.

"I did. I just want to take a sec to check on my Cafeworld."

"Oh for crying out loud."

"Chill, Ma. You're just as addicted to it as I am. Hey! Who's this Rudy Lobo on your friend list?"

"That's a fake Rudy. I made him up so I could have another neighbor on Farmville."

"What??? You're cheating on Farmville?"

"I wouldn't call it cheating. It's more like creative game strategy. Now hurry up and play."

"Okay. Okay. Give me a sec. C H E A T E R ........16 points.

"You're just sore cause you didn't think of it first."
L O S E R .........12 points.

"Right."

" You could make a fake Jim. Might even be an improvement."

"Real nice, Ma. I could use another neighbor in Cafeworld."
M A Y B E .........18 points.

"Rudy's restaurant is called Rude Food! You could call Jim's Crazy Cop Cafe."
S A R C A S M ................12 points.

"I could give him a stupid name. Like, James Dillon."
F E L O N ...........22 points.

"That's the spirit! See. It's not really cheating."
S E D U C E..........14 points.

"In reality, Jim's not much of a cook, but I suppose his avatar could serve up cereal easy enough." A S S H O L E ........18 points.

"He does seem to like Cheerios."

Christmas " Cheerios"

"After all the Christmas madness it's nice to just chill and enjoy a friendly game of Scrabble."

"Right Ma. Like when's that gonna happen? Friendly Scrabble is not what we do and you know it." W A R ............12 points

"Maybe we should make a New Years Resolution to be less competitive."

B L U F F .........18 points

"What if we just say we will and don't? Now give me your best shot."

B O A S T ..........10 points.

"We didn't have much time to talk last weekend. What did Jim get you for Christmas? I'm assuming it wasn't an engagement ring or you'd have called."

G I F T S........12 points.

"No. There was no engagement ring. In fact there was no Christmas for us."

P A I N .......6 points.

"What happened? Did you guys get called into work or something?"

"Nope. That would have been better actually. Jim did a really mean, stupid thing Christmas Eve."

"Oh no! The guy has no filter between his head and his mouth. What did he do this time?"

T R U T H ..........8 points.

"We were going to open our gifts and he insisted I open a very special little box first. It was a jewelry box and I thought maybe, just maybe. When I opened it, sitting in the middle of the box was a piece of Cheerio cereal. Jim's idea of a non-engagement ring joke." F O O L .......7 points.

"Your kidding me right? He couldn't possibly be that stupid or that mean. What the hell is the matter with him?" A N G E R ...........18 points.

"Mom, he thought it was funny. When I started to cry he got mad. Said I was too sensitive, and we ended up in a huge fight. We decided not to open any of the other presents and I went to bed and cried all night." E X C U S E .........32 points.

"Oh my God, Sarah, I'm so sorry. And you were so excited about giving him that Harley Davidson jacket. What a horrible thing to happen. Now what? If it were me, I'd take the jacket back and pack up his shit. But that's just me."

G U I L T Y ..........16 points.

"Oh and that's another thing. When we did open our gifts, he didn't like the $650 jacket I bought. Said he wanted a new gun instead. We fought about it all Christmas Day too, but then it's like always, we just kind of let it go and move on. He said he was sorry. He got me a really cool Iphone and some other stuff."

"You'll never really let it go. I know I couldn't. I'd always remember the hurt."

"Well, he's not gonna change. He's always going to be insensitive and clueless."

A C C E P T ....... 15 points.

"So why ..........?"

"Don't even ask Mom. We make it work. That's all that counts."

"Would you like me to punch his lights out for you? I don't think he'd put up much of a fight. He honestly deserves a good kick in the ass. " R E S C U E ..........8 points.

"What are you doing, Mom? You could have reached that triple score easily. Don't you dare throw this game! I can hold my own." A C C U S E ........10 points.

"Oh, I have no doubt of that. And I would never throw a game!"

L I A R ......5 points.

"Just making sure." W H A T E V E R ................ "Double score. All seven tiles so we add a little bonus".........86 points.

"Well I'll be ...... You sneaky little brat. Suggestion! Take back the jacket and get a credit for it. Then go out and buy a plastic squirt gun. Wrap it in a box large enough to look like the gun Jim really wants. Then give it to him as a goodbye gift!"

"Whoa. Mom. You are the queen of mean"

"All's fair in love and war." P A Y B A C KS See, I was just waiting to reach that triple. Looks like 60 points with the triple plus bonus for all seven tiles." 110 points!

You've Been Naughty

"Well, Ma, the holidays are almost over and you seem to be surviving."

P E A C E ........8 points.

"The week in Cancun helped a lot, but there's still Christmas, and even at work it's one endless Fa La La La La after another!"

C H A O S ........14 points.

"Yeah but the parties at work are a blast and help break up the boring routine."

J O Y ......20 points.

"Depends on where you work I guess. I still haven't found out who put the cute little bag of coal on my desk last year and I swore I'd get even." R E V E N G E .........10 points.

"That's too funny. What are friends for? Yours just appreciate your sense of humor I guess. I'm sure it was done in good fun."

H A P P Y ..........15 points

"Oh yeah. I can feel the love! The stupid bag said "You've been naughty." "

T R U T H ......8 points.

"Well, have you been? Naughty, I mean?" F U N ......... 6 points

"Who? Me? Of course not. Worst thing is no one will admit to doing it. My own friends just sit back laughing and bald face lie to me! What's up with that?"

Q U E R Y ........32 points.

"Man, I gave you that "U" . Bummer. No wonder you got coal."

J U S T I C E .......20 points.

"And another thing. I was all set to pass that little sucker on to someone else this season. I didn't even care if the wrong person got it. Just so I could spread the joy , so to speak."

E Q U A L .....31 points.

"Damn it, Mom. That's twice with the "Q". Enough already! So who'd you give it too?"

R E G I F T ...........18 points.

" I didn't even get a chance! Came into work this morning and there was another bag of coal, just like the other one, sitting smack in the middle of my desk, and everyone standing around laughing and pleading innocence. Even my good karma lady, Susan. Now that's cold!"C L U E L E S S........ "Ha Ha all eight tiles. Bonus time cha ching!" 68 points.

"Mom. I think you should invest in a coal burning furnace!"

Tis The Season

"Wow Mom! Looks like a tornado hit your place."

"Well thanks for pointing that out. Why don't you take your attitude out on the board."

"No attitude Ma, just fact. What the heck happened here?"

C R I T I C ...........24 points.

" Well let me see. Christmas, vacation, family dinners, and I'm trying to prepare for all of them at once. And of course there is always Bobby right smack in the middle of it all."

H O L I D A Y........16 points.

"Aren't you full of the Christmas spirit today."

G R I N C H...........18 points.

"I'm not sure you can use Grinch, but in the spirit of the season, I'll give it to you." S A R C A S M..........14points. " I hate the holidays!"

"And you hide your feelings so well. You don't even have a tree up yet."

N U D G E .......9points.

"Yeah well Santa's not bringing a tree this year! I'm going on vacation next week and that jolly old elf can go..........."

C U R S E S..............10 points.

"Easy, Ma! Cancun will mellow you out so you can face all that Christmas cheer that friends and family bring every year."

J O Y ............12 points.

"I hope so. This time of year just gives me the blues. Why don't you let me win today so I feel better?" P I T Y ...........8 points

"Nice try but it's not gonna happen. My presence will have to be gift enough for you." L O V E .....7 points.

"I feel so blessed now." T R U T H ..........8 points.

"Just remember Mom: Feliz Navidad!" P E A C E .............10 points.

Family Matters

"How was your weekend in Akron, Mom? Did you and Rudy get to see Mindy?"

"Yes he picked her up at the airport Thursday. She'll be home for ten days. She looks good, but she looks tired and her final project for teacher certification has her under a lot of pressure.

C R U N C H ............12 points

"You mean she's actually going to take on school projects while she's going through this chemo? What if she never gets to teach? What she's got is bad Ma. You and Rudy get that don't you?

P O I S O N .........16 points.

"Yes, we get it, but she's worked so hard for her career and she wants that certification. She's a tough young lady. Right now she's just having fun visiting everyone during her school break".

F A M I L Y .......22 points

"Must be rough on everybody with the holidays and all."

E M P A T H Y .......18 points

"It's all good. We had the crab feast early so she could pig out with the rest of us. Lot's of laughing and sick jokes at the table. We made a mess of Grams kitchen I'm afraid. Twenty eight pounds of crab legs and seven hungry people".

L A U G H ........10 points

"I saw the picture of Rudy's dad that you posted on Face book. Where did he get that stupid crab hat?"

"Mindy found it at some weird shop out in CA and brought it back for him a couple of years ago. You can't help but laugh when he puts it on."

"So what's your feelings on all this? I mean it's gotta suck to watch Rudy go through this. What if it breaks him? Not every relationship survives this kind of thing. Look how tough it is with Jim and I. Him being a widower and all.

H O N E S T Y ...........18 points

"I don't know. It kills me to watch it all go down, but there's that part deep inside that says "Thank God it's not me." It's such a selfish feeling. I can never really know what he's going through." G U I L T ........8 points.

"I don't always understand Jim either. Sometimes I want him to just get over it. But I know that's not right." S H A M E ...........12points

" All I can do is be there when he needs me and give him space when he needs that. Maybe it'll be enough." H O P E .......8 points

"Yeah. I feel so bad for him, but I don't want to see you hurt either. Make sure you take care of yourself while you guys go through this." L O V E ..........7 points

"I think I have a pretty good support system around me. I've got you guys."

E N O U G H .............9 points